Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
