Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
