You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
