I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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