I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
