Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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