just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
