she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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