I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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