I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
