i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
