I smell stomach acid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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