How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
