So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
