just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
