I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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