Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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