Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
