I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
