Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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