You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
