i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
