Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
