i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
