At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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