I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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