I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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