how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
