i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
