And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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