Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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