your parents love me but you hate me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
