I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
