Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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