what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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