So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
