yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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