My sheets look like a crime scene.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
