I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
