Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
