I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
