I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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