It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
