I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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