you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
