Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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