Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
