Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
