Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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