Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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