I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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